Thoughts on products, performance, and doublethink in the magic community.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Criss, Put Your Shirt Back On

One step forward, two steps back. That's what I think each time I watch a new episode of Mindfreak.

The tricks and stunts themselves are beyond fascinating. But with every episode, I become less and less enamored of Criss himself.

He just gets more and more cocky each week. A little cockiness is fine, but Criss' attitude goes beyond cockiness. It's arrogant. And I find it, well, repulsive.

Enough with the posturing and gratuitous shirt tearing. I heard the show is losing money. Could it be from all the clothing that gets mercilessly shredded each week?

Magicians need to make a stand. Soon enough, spectators will be asking us to tear our shirts off after each trick. Well, the attractive magicians at least. And most magicians aren't really that good looking. Maybe like 10 percent. Maybe closer to 8.5. Statistically, though...

Sorry, I got off track. But the bottom line is that magicians spend enough money on magic as it is. We simply cannot tolerate the added financial burden that Angel's shirt-tearing will eventually inflict upon us.

But I have a solution.

Prepare yourselves for...



Operation Keep Angel's Shirt On

The commandos above were among the few able to pass our rigorous selection process. In their last mission, they forced David Blaine out of a box hanging over a river. It was a daring, midnight raid. We've recently reactivated them do deal with this new, sinister threat.

They are all in prime physical condition with experience in Navy Seals, Delta Force, and elite international counter-terrorist units.

The team will surveil Criss Angel 24/7, from a safe distance. He will never be aware of their presence. When Criss begins to film the show, the team will go on high alert. Should Angel attempt to remove any item of his clothing, a warning shot will be fired. If this fails, they will procede to use non-lethal tranquilizer darts until the situation is neutralized.

If repeated attempts at deterrence prove ineffective, the team will 'paint' Angel with a targeting laser. A slealth bomber will proceed to eliminate him with a hydrogen bomb.

Just don't tell anyone. Officially, the operation is classified.


Blogger MagicEnigma said...

Criss Angel is too sexy for:
-his shirt
-his music
-his magic
-this post.

9:43 PM


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